The Inspiration
On July 1, 2017 my first cousin married the love of her life. On July 30, 2017, less than a month since they had wed, he was tragically killed in a car accident on the way to work. The book I chose as the connection to their treasured relationship is The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman. This blog celebrates their love story journey and the love language they shared, as well as the memories she cherishes.
Their Love Journey
Dee and Jeffrey met as neighbors while children. His family later moved away and they were estranged for years. It was not until they were adults that they reconnected. Their friendship grew. Eventually they began dating and soon fell in love. On May 20, 2015, Jeffrey proclaimed his love in a post titled, “My life ,my life, my life in the sunshine…” In June of that year, it was clear that they were in a lasting relationship not to be denied; they were sharing a forever love. As family and friends, some of us realized it through Facebook posts and pictures; while those who saw her daily saw it bloom in real time.
During the summer of 2016, Jeffrey proposed to Dee. I love her account of the day. She shares that part of the journey by sharing the following with us in August of 2018, two years after the proposal and a little over a year after he passed away.
“The joy memories bring…two years ago my 
proposed. He also took me to the cemetery to visit my grandmother and he asked her for her blessing. He said if you approve, show us a sign, he told her our 3 digit # which represents the day we connected and the day our story began. We drove to Nantasket beach straight from there and ordered some food, he looks at the receipt and said “Babe, your grandmother approves!!!”
As someone who believes in signs, I find her shared anecdote as very, romantic. But even if I did not believe in signs, I love her shared moments and would still find the romanticism in this special proposal.
The Book
I was first introduced to this book while on a double dinner date with some of our best friends, Brad and Cindy. We were talking about relationships and the magic (and sometimes lack of) of relationships standing the test of time. She mentioned the book of which at that time I was not familiar. On our way home, I had my husband stop at a Barnes and Nobles so that I could purchase the book. Since then I’ve purchased several others within the series.
The 5 Love Languages
In the book, Gary Chapman talks about the five love languages, noting that everyone has a dominant language that if “spoken,” “shown” and or demonstrated, enhances the relationship. As I followed Dee and Jeffrey’s relationship from 1,106.6 miles away it became clear to me that they shared the love of quality time.
Their Shared Dominant Love Language: Quality Time
From that day in 2015 when they rekindled their relationship, Dee and Jeffrey lived in the moment and prepared for the future–spending time together. All five love languages were present in their lives as a couple, but the most dominant–the primary language was definitely Quality Time. They enjoyed life and each other’s company whether at home, in social gatherings, or traveling on trips. They celebrated life together, enjoying the moment.
Dee and Jeffrey’s enchanted love was documented in their pictures, their words and their actions. At their wedding ceremony, during the reception and on their honeymoon, there forever love was celebrated.
On July 30, 2017, just 29 days after they were married, Jeffrey was involved in a fatal car accident on his way to work. Living without him has been difficult for my cousin, she continues to grieve but does the best she can to live in the memories. There life living together was cut short, but never their love.
A Feather from Heaven
I Celebrate Dee and Jeffrey’s Forever Love
I wasn’t able to attend their wedding and had been in the process of deciding what to send them for a gift, when I received word of losing Jeffrey. It was then that I decided that I would create something for her. It is then that I began “stalking social media” for evidence of their love. In December of that year, I sent her a scrapbook that I made her with a personal letter included. This month as a late Valentine’s day/early Anniversary gift, I created the following video using the video she sent me of her flipping through the book. After the video, you can also see some of her favorite pages and hear their song, You for Me (The Wedding Song) by Johnny Gill
The Video
Dee’s Favorite Pages
Quality Time Love Language Romance Ideas
- Actively listen without interrupting
- Attend a move or play
- Commit to a weekly or monthly adventure
- Cook together
- Couple journal
- Create a bucket list of quality time activities
- Cuddle on the couch with a movie
- Dance together
- Dine at a new restaurant
- Engage in conversation
- Find what you enjoy doing together then do it regularly (i..e. gym, watching movies, wine tasting, visiting museums, walking on the beach, hiking, dining out)
- Focus, don’t multi-task
- Garden together
- Give your UNDIVIDED attention
- Go on a ride (car, bike,, trolley, scooter, moped, motorcycle) together
- Go on a spontaneous drive, a scenic drive or go sightseeing
- Go on a walk and talk
- Go on a thoughtful date
- Amusement Park
- Aquarium
- Arboretum
- Beach
- Botanical Garden
- Camping (in the yard, living room, campsite, lawn, porch, beach, etc.)
- Candlelight dinner
- Casino
- Concert
- Couple’s masage
- Cruise
- Fair
- Farmers Market
- Fishing
- Kayaking
- Lake
- Mountain
- Movie (at cinema, on lawn, porch, in yard, at beach, etc.)
- Museum
- National Park
- Parachuting
- Park
- Rappelling
- Resort
- Restaurant
- Rock Climbing
- Skating
- Sledding
- Star gazing
- Theater
- Tubing
- Whitewater rafting
- Zoo
- Go to bed at the same time
- Have quality conversation
- Hike together
- Ignore your phone when during 1:1 time
- Laugh together
- Listen to music together
- Maintain eye contact
- Make new memories together
- Maximize any time you have, even if it is only 10 minutes
- Meet for lunch
- Offer empathy/sympathy, not advice
- Participate in an activity with mutual friends
- Plan a romantic picnic–without phones
- Beach/Lake Picnic
- Garden Picnic
- Park picnic
- Mountain Picnic
- Under the Stars
- Vineyard Picnic
- Yard Picnic
- Plan an international night
- Read a book together and discuss it
- Read to each other
- Run errands together
- Schedule a weekly date night
- Schedule game night
- Show an interest in (join in on) the hobbies of your significant other
- Start a project together
- Take a class together
- Take a family vacation
- Take a day/weekend trip
- Talk–no phones or social media
- Volunteer together
- Watch a game/movie/show with your significant other –no phones
- Work out together
- Write each other a poem/love letter/song and read/sing to each other
- Take a tour
- Watch the sunrise or sunset
- Go window shopping
What is your Primary Love Language
AS evident by this post, my cousins shared the same primary love language. All couples do not. Whether they do or do not is not important, what is important is that they can speak the language of the other…that they be multi-lingual. If you are interested in knowing your primary love language consider taking one of these quizzes/tests. You can also find others by doing a search for five love languages quiz or test.
- Couples and Children’s quiz: https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/
- Singles quiz: https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/singles-quiz/
- Test-What’s your love language?: https://www.psychologies.co.uk/tests/whats-your-love-language.html
- Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages Assessment: https://www3.canyons.edu/faculty/rafterm/0%200lli%20loveandloss/Day%20Files/Day%201%20Files/5%20Love%20Languages%20Assessment.pdf
Rest In Peace, Jeffrey your Forever Love will Never Die
To my dear cousin Jean,
Thank you so much for this beautiful tribute!!! There are not enough words to express my gratitude.
Losing Jeffrey has been so hard and along my journey you have been right there sending articles, books, scrapbooks and words of encouragement. I appreciate them all. I remember after receiving the scrapbook, I called you, no words were said, we just laughed. It really means a lot to me. Thank you again for sharing our story!!! Lots of Love💕
Love,
Dee
Dayne,
Thank you!!!! You have allowed me to pay tribute to Jeffrey and the love you share. I know that losing him has been difficult. Although I am over 1600 miles away from you, I wanted you to know that I am here to ease what ever pain I can from afar. I am glad that my little surprises and words have helped you through the grieving process and are helping you to not only remember, but to also heal. Again, thank you for allowing me to share your story. Love ya!
I love how you shared their journey so beautifully! Love languages are so interesting to me! Thank you!
Their journey was such a lovely one, making it easy to document and share. I can’t be there with her to spend time with her or to console her when she needs it, this is my way. Their story is one that still gies e smiles when I look at the pictures and/or read about it.
This was so beautiful and touching. It was really sweet of you to do this for them, and great that you shared it with us to be witnesses of their wonderful love story. I got goosebumps when I read about the signs!
Thank you for your commments; a love journey like this is best shared. After I published it, she wrote the first comment of this thread of comments. Since then, she has shared with me other signs that she has received. Talking about goosebumps, tears, amiles and blessings.
What a beautiful love story! So sad it ended too soon but what a blessing for them to have experienced. Thank you for sharing their story. I definitely believe in signs too and that God has a plan in everything that happens. The scrapbook you made is gorgeous! My love language has changed some in the years of my relationship it used to be mainky physical touch, but now after kids it’s mainly quality time and acts of service.
I appreciate your comment. Her story is a heartbreaker yet I like you knew the blessing of their journey is important. After I wrote the blog she shared with me other signs that have shown themselves to her. I know she has trouble believing it right now but I too believe their is a plan. Thank you for your scrapbook compliment. It was originally a wedding gift that because I hadn’t finished it turn into more. Because her grief is evverpresent, I try to do something every few months even if it is as simple as a card or call. The blog and the video were are y two latest attempts to let her know I remember and I care. The video is at https://youtu.be/mYAE275t0EE My primary language has changed over years and depending on my relationship (mother-son, husband, friend, mother-daughter, my mother and me… I notice the language changes.
I love thus tribute to your cousin while my heart is breaking for her. I also love the book about love languages. I have read it when my marriage was breaking up. It did not help in my situation but I did learn from the book.
Thank you for your comment. My cousin’s love is strong and her grief is still so present. I had planned on giving her a wedding scrapbook, but before I could send it, Jeffrey was killed. I refocccused and created the book of her journey. I wrote the blog as a gift this year as well as created the video: https://youtu.be/mYAE275t0EE I too love the love language books. Working on getting my husband to read it.
That was beautiful i personally do not know what it is like to lose the love of my life but to hear what your cousin went through is heartbreaking their love seemed so beautiful and amazing. I hope that she is doing better and became strong enough to move on. I didn’t know him but R.I.P. and sorry for your loss.
I appreciate your commments. Like you, I can’t imagine losing my husband. It has been very difficult for her and her grief is so real. It is a heartbreaking exxperience. As I went through pics on her Facebook pages as well as those on his and their friends and other family members, there love became even more amazing. She is coping; some days are better than others. Thank you for your condolences,
What a beautiful love story. You really get to know your cousin and Jeffrey through this story. Beautiful memories and beautiful tribute to him. My heart breaks for your cousin. I can’t even imagine what she is going through. I do believe in signs. Thanks for sharing this story.
I’m so sorry. My comment should of said my heart breaks for you cousin. I thought I read it properly before I sent it. I wish there was a way to correct it?
Thank you for your comments. They mean a lot to me. I wasn’t able to be there for the wedding or the funeral so this was my way of showing my love…originally with the scrapbook and most recently with the post and video.She has sine shared additional signs that she has received.
I’ve made both of your requested corrections.
Wowww!! So moving. I love all the efforts you put doing the video and scrapbook. Your cousin must be grateful to you for doing this. This is such a sad story and though beautiful at the same time. Thank’s for telling us that story. I will definitely buy the book since I am an avid reader and also in a relationship. We were supposed to get married in September but due to COVID, it’s postponed to next year.
Thank you for the Quality Time love language romance ideas list you put.
And I will definitely be looking for the white feather (my dad) 🙂
Thank you again for this lovely post, so much work in this.
Marie
I appreciate your comment. Congratulations on your engagement! Because of COVID, you too have had an unexpected journey. I know postponement was a difficult decision, but glad that your journey continues. I believe my cousin is grateful. The first comment in this thread of comments is actually from her. I am appreciative she not only allowed me to share her sad, heartbreaking, yet inspirational story, but also that she liked what I shared. The book is great. I gifted my husband the 5 Love Languages for men. When my kids were in their teen years, I gave them the one for teenagers. There is a 5 Love Languages of Children, that I will put in my daughter’s 1st Year teacher’s basket or in her graduation basket in December when she finishes her Ed.S. Glad you enjoyed the list. I too will look for the white feather from my dad and other loved ones who are no longer with me. Again, thank you.
What a wonderful love story with a terribly sad ending. She was able to experience something that not all of us do.
How amazing of you to chronicle their love for one another. That is such a blessing!
My love language is Acts of Service and Quality Time
It is a heartbreaking story. You are correct; they experienced a love that many will never know. It is the blessing hidden in the cloud. It is the rainbow. My primary love languages are Quality Time and Words of Affirmation.
What a beautiful testament to the love of two people. I have read the 5 Love Languages and it is a fantastic book for any married couple to read. I have given it out to people as well.
Thank you for reading about my cousins’ love and for commenting. I also have also given my husband the one for en and when my children were 19 and 21, I gave them the one for teens. I plan on buying the 5 Love language of Children next. Glad you enjoyed it!
thank you!
Hi, i read your blog occasionally and i own a similar one and i was just wondering if you get a lot of spam comments?
If so how do you prevent it, any plugin or anything you can suggest?
I get so much lately it’s driving me mad so any help is very much appreciated.
Hi, I have to be honest. I am not always sure what is spam and what is not. Although I am responding to all the g, gforg comments as well as other similar messages, as a precaution that they are not fraud and I turned away a true potential subscriber/fan, I am stil checking to see if they are fraudulant/spam. I have submitted some, follow up on some of the sites and emails,, etc…. As noted, not sure what is spam and what is not. I am pursuing recommendations for plugins and other technologies and tech folks. Sorry, I can’t help..
Hi it’s me, I am also visiting this website on a regular basis, this web page is
truly fastidious and the viewers are genuinely sharing fastidious thoughts.
Hello again. I am glad you are a regular visitor and that you have been reading multiple posts. I appreciate your comments.
Thank you so much for this fantastic article! It’s sad and joyful at the same time and a wonderful tribute to your cousin and her husband and their love. I’m definitely going to investigate the books, too. You have a wonderful site and I’ll be back to read more.
Thank you for your kind comments. It does go from one end of the continuum to the other. The books are great. The book is great. There are many…for teenagers, children, single, men, etc. Well worth the investment. Please feel free to come back anytime. I have 30+ queued so stay tune for others. Again, thank you.
I’m so sorry about this sudden passing!!
I’ve been meaning to read the 5 love languages! Thank you for this post.
Thank you for your condolences, I will make sure to share with my cousin. The book is an easy read. I am sure you will enjoy it. I have several versions: the one for teens, for men and for couples. Thank you for your comment and for reading the post.
This is 9ne 9f the books I always recommend to couples. I teaches you alot about yourself and your partner.
It was recommended to me from one of my good friends while sharing books we should read. I did learn so much from it. I too recommend it often.
Thank you for sharing their beautiful story and the list of “Quality Time Love Language Romance Ideas”. I hope she has found peace. ❤️
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on the story. The video is at https://youtu.be/mYAE275t0EE As to my cousin, she has yet to find peace…still in the grieving process. Love your site. I left a comment and subscribed. Again thank you.
I love the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman and read it with my husband a few years ago. It helped us better understand each other and our kids. My love language is acts of service first, then words of affirmation and quality time. Thank you so much for sharing Dee and Jeffery’s heartbreaking story. I’ll keep Dee in my prayers.
Thank you for your comments, but most importantly your prayers for her. Her grief is real! His books are very helpful. I find myself sharing the same three languages that you do. With my family, Words of Affirmation and Quality time are my strongest with act of service very, very, close behind. When it comes to my friends it is probably Words of Affirmation and Acts of Service as the strongest. Again, thank you for checking out their story. If interested, the video celebrating Dee and Jeffrey’s journey is at https://youtu.be/mYAE275t0EE.
Very moving story of their sweet love and Dee’s loss. Thank you for sharing this and reminding us that tomorrow is never promised.
Thank you for your comments. I thought I had responded, but don’t seem to see it so I must have gotten distracted and did not post. I appreciate the time you took to read about Dee’s love journey. And you are totally correct when you say tomorrow is never promised. If that wasn’t loud and clear before the pandemic, it definitely is now.